The girl who was not herself for fear of not being enough
This is the story of a girl who wanted to please everyone. Being one more, I was afraid to be one less. It did not fit especially in the canons of beauty, her body was not like that of those who climb the catwalks and did not wear brand clothes. Maybe that was why, because of his fear of not highlighting, not being enough, that he acted with people as if he were in front of the mirror.
He used to watch others, especially the girls around him. I saw them with such certainty, a security that I envied to understand her as that fruit I could never aspire to. It was like living surrounded by unattainable ideals in all aspects, as if others were made of dreams, and she, of complexes. Never anything I did would be enough to be like them, to be perfect.
That’s why he always tried to please others. For nothing in the world I wanted them to see how small and insignificant he thought he was compared to what he saw and lived around him. He insisted on camouflaging his tastes with what the majority liked and smiling in response to any attempt at grace. He sensed that this was what others expected.
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I’m afraid of not being like people expect. I’m afraid of being wrong, not enough. I am afraid of being afraid and that others will notice. Whatever I do and think what I think, I will never be perfect, it will never be enough, I will never be as expected.
I live without living in me because my life is not enough
He took great care of his appearance for fear of being out of tune and did not express his own opinions in front of others for fear of disappointing them. She was, without a doubt, a girl who was far from being a version of herself with whom she felt identified.
She walked tormented by what her doubts could draw in the future. I did not buy anything without requiring the opinion of others. He did not say anything without being completely sure that he would not be out of synch with what others were saying. She was not herself because she herself thought that was not enough.
He lived at small steps marked by the traces of what others had indicated. I could stand out and be happy if I wanted to, but this was a possibility I had not even considered. She worked with the reality that she had constituted, a tortuous labyrinth for which she did not look for an exit because she did not even think there could be one.
I live without living in myself for fear of not being enough.
We are all perfectly imperfect
One day, like any other, he got out of bed and the rays of sunlight accompanied a moment of clarity. She realized that she was not happy even if she exhibited a smile, that she did not like her job even if others told her she was lucky to have it. In general, he did not like his life because it was not his life that really lived.
He realized that he lived facing the gallery. That the others were directing their lives out of fear of criticism, for fear of not being enough. He understood that whatever he did for someone, a few, or many, was never going to be enough; that being afraid scared you away.
He knew then that having a wardrobe or another, holding some opinions or others does not save anyone from the criticism, just as it does not avoid the error or having to do a restoration work, in the necessary cases, to rectify a posterior. As that imperfection will never disappear, it will also have to be included in the love, care or respect that we owe. Assuming it was a new starting point, a real dawn, for our girl, until that moment complacent.
Even those people that we see completely perfect and sure of themselves have their fears and their shortcomings. They are only better magicians who know how to hide it better. Remember that there is no greater devil than ourselves when we act as inquisitive judges.
Live as you want to live. Try that the opinions of others do not condition your way of speaking, being and feeling. Be free to fail because then you will be free to live and that is how true happiness is found. Never look for approval in others, look for yours because that way you will never be disappointed. Live and do it without looking where others look but where you want to go.