Being single can sometimes be depressing. We don’t have a guy to go out with, and as the years go by, friends (as a couple) are a little less available too. What if we learned to do things alone? You will be surprised by everything you will discover.
“At 20, it’s not the same as, well, 29 for me: all my friends are made up,” says Mathilde. She is single. At the moment anyway! So of course, that doesn’t mean that they don’t see them anymore, but that they see them less.
A text, and twenty minutes later you were in your HQ over a beer? Today, it’s a little less true, because now we live with my darling, now in addition to her friends and family, we have her boyfriend’s friends… and his family! Of course you understand, especially if you too have already been in a relationship… But at the moment, no Romeo.
So this has happened to you several times where you have asked one or two people to go for a drink, and when the others are not available, you have done nothing.
Traveling alone to find yourself after a breakup
What if instead of doing nothing, you did it alone? This is what Mathilde did. Having been in a relationship for a long time, she had to learn to do things on her own. The scariest decision she made was to go on vacation with just her bike a few months ago.
“I needed to find myself after my breakup,”
explains Mathilde. What’s more, in terms of organization, it was a hassle. She, who already had to organize with her bosses and her colleagues for her leave, should also have seen it with her friends, who mostly go with their lovers. So after a week in Italy with a friend, she decided to travel alone for the remaining two weeks.
“I was very afraid of leaving alone,
I had the impression that I wasn’t going to make it,” says Mathilde. For the first time alone while camping, stress mounts: “I had the impression that I was not going to be able to set up my tent or make myself food”. But very quickly, “I discovered that I could do everything on my own, that I didn’t need anyone”.
Mathilde needed to prove her autonomy. It’s done… and she also understood something else. “I discovered that it was very relaxing not to have to answer to anyone, not to negotiate for activities or destinations: I was so used to being in a relationship that I took care less than what I wanted to do, and there it was my desires that came before everything.”
Going alone took away a mental load
A restaurant or a tomato cut on the edge of a rock, it’s her who chooses. “Going alone took a mental load off, meaning I could use that energy to do so many other things, and it made me want to go back alone. So I’m going to Costa Rica in a few weeks!”
Anna also learned to travel alone. She particularly liked this “no strings attached” side. On a hike or a road trip, taking the plunge showed her one thing: “that I know how to be independent and that I love being so”. She also learned to love solitude and, later, to seek it. Besides, she says, “I liked going for walks, strolling around town, walking in nature by myself. Today it’s something that I always love doing, whether I’m in a relationship or not”.
Activities to do alone: a revolution in everyday life?
But what she loved above all was discovering that she enjoyed doing everyday activities without a lover, or even a girlfriend. Things she wouldn’t have done as a couple. Already due to lack of time. And yes, it still takes up a few slots in the schedule to see Romeo. So Anna started by getting back into sport, and even discovered netball (derived from basketball) in England, started running and took up fitness again.
She also discovered pole dancing.
“I certainly wouldn’t have dared to try it when I was with my ex at the time because of the image attached to this sport,” she confides, “after the first lesson, I was hooked.” According to her, “this helped to strengthen my self-confidence, I discovered a sensuality that I did not dare to assume and it very quickly became a passion.”
Of course, everyone is free to organize themselves to live their passions and hobbies without hindrance, with a guy, or not. But this is not a simple question of timetable. It is an acquired freedom, in one’s body and mind.
In his body, for example for sports with Anna. Or for many others, on a sexual level. How many women no longer masturbate when they are in a relationship? As a reminder, ladies, 46% of you say you reach orgasm more easily alone than during penetrative sex with a partner. We are not saying that you forget yourself when you are in a relationship, simply that the limits are the same regardless of the romantic situation: those of your imagination.
Almost all of my periods of celibacy have been marked by a feeling of freedom
And a freedom of the spirit, because it is they who these women have learned to put first. “Almost all of my periods of singlehood have been marked by a feeling of freedom and independence. Each time I learned to refocus on myself, on what made me feel good alone,” analyzes Anna. She explains: “hence my discovery of new interests and new activities. The older I got, the more sure I became of myself and the woman I wanted to become.”
Mathilde felt more accomplished too, and this showed in her clothing style. “I stopped getting dressed in the morning, telling myself that I had to please my boyfriend,” she says. A constraint that she imposed on herself, and from which she broke away, suddenly taking much more pleasure in shopping! She then assumes: “I took the risk of pleasing myself more than others, that was less the case before.”
Free yourself from social pressure while single
Mathilde also carried out work on herself in order to get away from this social pressure which would dictate that we not go out unaccompanied. For example, she recently started going to the movies alone.
“It was linked to a somewhat difficult breakup phase, I stayed at home watching Netflix, and sometimes I didn’t go out all day,” she says. To go out, she chooses dark rooms. But she doesn’t want to go through the hassle of negotiating each time with those around her about: what film, what day, what schedule!
“Finally, I realized that a lot of people go to the movies alone, it’s no longer a shame for me like it might have been before,” she explains, freeing herself a little more from the negative aspects of single life .
Hélène also treats herself to little moments, but in bars and restaurants. As a couple or single, she doesn’t care about the looks of others who would like us not to go and make a steak (or a poké bowl) alone.
“As a teenager, I never thought I could go to a restaurant alone. Today I love it: in the summer I look for places on the terrace in the sun with a good book,” she says. She likes these little moments alone with her thoughts, and the lines of her book, “without having to make conversation”.
She then advocates:
“I know that for some, it is the gaze of others that blocks them. But frankly, I have the impression that people are saying that they would like to do the same thing, rather than making fun of it. They see clearly that I am not doing this under duress and force but that on the contrary I am offering myself a little moment of pleasure”. One currently has a man in her life. She was enriched by what she loved to do alone, and continues to do it even when her heart is taken.
